Naked mind

A young woman came into a cafe I was sitting in today. The cafe is pretty informal and feels more like a student shared house living room. She sat close to me with a couple of her friends and I dont think I’ve actually seen anyone whose thoughts and emotions were so transparent or anyone with such a wild mind.

Through the next few minutes, her face changed from mind-state to mind-state. For a few moments, she would be in the grip of a painful recollection, her face contorted in near anguish, then it would clear and she would hide her face in the shoulder of a friend seeking to wrestle and bite him, then once again she would stare of into space or be caught in rapt attention over a minor detail.

She must have been in her early twenties and her conversation matched her age but she seemed much younger emotionally. It was as if she’d never learnt to control her features or her behaviour – or as if the forces within her were stronger than she could bear.

Watching her was like watching an extreme representation of my own turbulent mind on days when i am over-wrought and over-sensitive.

Daily practice

My concentration didnt improve at Tushita. In fact if anything I became more aware of how bad it has become, how easily my mind suffers from dullness and sleepiness. Even my morning sessions were bad and there was little reason for that as I woke an hour early to meditate and had the whole hall to myself for that time.

Tushita Introduction to Buddhism

As with all retreats, I went the the Tushita Meditation Centre’s course in McLeod Ganj with some expectations even though i tried not to have any. They werent met of course but i got a lot of the retreat in unexpected ways and left very happy that i had done it.

The “introduction to buddhism” title is misleading. Tushita is part of the Foundation for the Preservation of Mahayana Tradition and its course reflects its position. Dont expect to get an impartial overview of Buddhism, its history, its various traditions or even the various different schools within Tibetan buddhism itself. Dont expect to find out much about monastic life and tradition with Tibetan buddhism or even a history of Tibetan buddhism.

If you are interested in all of that, I recommend reading a good book for example one by Powers “An introduction to Tibetan buddhism” – it’s objective, concise and illuminating.

Buddhist meditation retreats – a caveat emptor

Going to Tushita got me thinking about meditation and buddhism and how the two fit especially within retreats. As a meditator, especially if you get to certain levels of concentration, mental and physical sensations emerge, many of which are quite out of the ordinary and which are indescribable. Buddhism has an appealing explanation of those sensations and what’s more embeds them into a cohesive theory of every day living and the after life(s).

The two together make a potent mix for converting meditators, especially if they are beginners and have an experience. This is even more true within a retreat environment which is generally peaceful and protected from the stresses of the outside world, where participants are encouraged to not speak with each other (thus permitting the teacher’s direct and exclusive access to one’s mind without the need to contend with doubts sowed by others).

I dont actually think this is a bad thing per se, I am a buddhist after all. But I’m not sure how many people who go to retreats are aware of what they are putting themselves through, how vulnerable they can become during the retreat and how the meditative experiences can have different interpretations outside of that presented by the teachers. The buddhist meme is a powerful one and can cause you to question if not change the way you look at your life, the relations you have with your friends and family, your very value set. It can cause distress to yourself and to many people.

Keeping in mind the right action and right speech precepts, I think that a warning is justified. Unfortunately, I havent seen them at many meditation retreats, perhaps for good reason. After all, it could come across like a “beware of brainwashing” sign if it isnt couched properly. Or maybe the fact that it is a buddhist meditation retreat says it all?

Going to Tushita retreat

After humming and hawing about it for a few weeks, I’ve decided to go to the Tushita Meditation Centre here in McLeod Ganj for a 10 day introduction to buddhism course. Everyone I’ve met who’s done it has been very positive about it. My hesitations has mainly been about how much familiar ground the course will cover but the alternative course here is the SN Goenka Vipassana course and I dont feel like going through that again. So, I’ve signed up and will be offline for 10 days and hopefully getting some practice in.

Vesak day celebrations in McLeod Ganj

Much of the Buddhist ceremonies that happens here in town is in Tibetan so i was pleased to discover that the Tushita Centre, an primarily western buddhist centre which runs courses and which also has resident monks and nuns, had a large program of events for today, starting at 4:15 am. I wasnt sure what to expect but decided to turn up anyway.

It turned out that the first event was to make one day vows just for the duration of the day. The Tibetans believe that any merit accumulated during this special day is multiplied by a million times so taking the 8 precepts for the day has a special force as would any other merit accumulating activity. Following that, there was a ritual that involved full-length prostrations to 35 Buddhas.

A good day and more thoughts on metta practice

i had a good session this morning. My focus didnt get very sharp but i managed to be more aware of thought trains and they were coming in quickly as i woke with a very active and restless mind. I managed to settle in however and to my surprise had several surges of pitti. At my level, they are still rather coarse feelings of meditative bliss but energising and encouraging nonetheless.

I wasnt quite as successful with my metta meditation afterwards, finding myself drifting away quite often but it didnt stop me from having a peaceful morning. Encouraged by my unusually quiet heart, I attempted to practice more metta while sitting at a roadside cobbler, waiting for my sandals to be fixed.

short sessions

My experience with the mani-reciters the day before prompted me to return to the main temple with hopes to chant with them again. I found instead a huge crowd of tibetans waiting patiently outside the temple for little packets of pills blessed by the monks. After receiving the packets, the crowd dispersed leaving the main hall to contain only monks and nuns. I stayed for a couple of hours, drank a huge mug of butter tea and along with the occasional tourist listened to them chant but it was not the same. It appeared that for most of the lay-people the main event was over.

My morning’s meditation session had gone pretty well however. I’d sat for fifteen minutes and managed to keep focus not only on my breath but also on the state of watching my breath. An awareness not so much of awareness but my physical state – how it feels to be aware. Having decided to end the session once I became aware of drifting into dream-states too frequently actually made a difference to the level of my focus. So, shorter sessions from now on!

Group mantra chanting

I went to the main temple again and spent a couple of hours there in the afternoon. It was packed with all the cushions taken up but a couple of kind young tibetan women lent me a small rug to sit on. I’d arrived during one of the quiet times when the monks and nuns were not chanting. The space was filled, however, with the click of pprayer-beads and hundreds of barely audible murmurings of ‘om mani padme hum’. The result was a comfortable white-noise blanket that my ear quickly ceased to register.

I tried meditating but was too distracted. On a whim, i started chanting ‘om nani padme hum’ softly under my breath, following the style of the chanters which was to draw a deep breath and in a long controlled out breath chant the mantra very quickly many times so that the sylables run in together. The beginning ‘om’ in fact continues as a bass vibration through the breath with ‘manipadme’ surfacing above it.

Sitting in on morning prayers at the main temple

Instead of meditating, I went to the main temple this morning in McLeod Ganj. I’d heard yesterday that since it is the Buddhist holy month, there would be many people praying there. I got there at 6:30 and the place was full of monks, nuns and devotees.

The monks and nuns formed an inner square that extended out from the main hall while the devotees sat on quite comfortable cushions that covered the verandah outside. I got there just as breakfast was being served. Monks were pouring out butter tea (BYO cup) and passiing out flat discs of tibetan bread. The chanting of prayers started soon after that.

The atmosphere was informal and relaxed. People young and old circumabulated the two halls, people counted their prayer beads, people chanted along with the monks. I got the feeliing that many of the older people there especially the women in their traditional tibetan dress were there for the day and would be there every day until the month was over.

I stayed for an hour and a half, alternating between meditating and walking around the halls. I cant say I got very deep in my meditation but sitting there with the sounds of ‘om mani padme hum’ floating up around me, I felt happy and contented. Even though i was a stranger to their traditions and their belief,  I felt connected to what was happening. A lot of it was because while i could see that the people around me saw me as a tourist, my presence there was accepted and unremarkable.

So I sat there occasionally looking at the crowd, at the child monks, at the old ladies counting their beads, at the old monk asleep in an impossibly contorted position, at the very fashionable young women circumabulating a little self-consciously, at the assorted portable prayer wheels. I sat there and was happy.